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"Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to 0,000.00 cash up front. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist." A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist's office and declares, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! "I see you prefer an autumn scene as opposed to a floral one," said the gallery owner, who happened to be nearby and witnessed the mother-son interaction. "This painting is wider, so it'll cover the three holes I put in the wall." Occupations Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
"No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to 0,000.00 cash. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere 0,000! Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state.
The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.After the man finishes his meal, he asks the waiter, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free meals for the rest of the week?
" The waiter agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. Amazingly, he wasn't hit by lightning, but the music was awful - it seems he just wasn't a very good conductor.